Mon, 30 Apr 2007 22:11:38 GMT

Chapter one.

I lie awake, thinking of you
wondering why I do the things i do,
how can I let, your love escape,
now all I can do, is wait...

I guess you never realise what you have untill you finally figure it out that it could be gone. She was my best friend for the longest time. Our realtionship was mostly confinde to the amazing technology of AIM and cell phones with me being on the road so much. It was kinda tough on her, but not having her around didn't really bother me. I knew she was always a phone call or a mouse click away and she was always there for me no matter what. I was lucky that way, because if I'm honest, I'm a little shit. I deliberatly wind her up and make her sweat. Not to mention we argue all the time, but she always forgives me, We're like an old married couple. I knew she had a crush on me, come on, what female doesn't? And I had fun toying with her emotions. I know, I seem like a jerk, but honestly it was just harmless fun. I never thought I was really hurting her. When I found out I was (her female best friend kicked me in the balls to prove this point) I felt worse than I ever had in my life (and no, it wasn't just the kicking that done it.) The more I thought about it, the more I realised i'd been taking her for granted all these years. I realised that I needed her. More than she could ever need me.

I guess I should probably introduce myself. I'm Josh Sanders. 6 foot 3. Long Dirty Blonde Hair. 19. This is where I normally do a bit about how awsome I am and how much everyone worships me, but my recent reality check taught me otherwise. I mean, sure. I have fans. Girl's screaming after me wherever I go, but these day's that doesn't even seem to matter. I hurt the only girl I've ever really cared about and there's nothing I can do to change that fact. She want's nothing to do with me now. I can't change that either. Or maybe I can.

I can't stop, your loves still there
the ghost of you, haunts my mind everywhere
I'll find a away, to make it right
and someday soon i'll get you back in my life...

I'd tried e-mailing. She ignored me, then finally blocked me. I tried calling. She didn't answer. Showed up on her doorstep. Alex (the best friend) threatened to kick me in the balls again....

The only option left was a letter of apology, which I figured she'd bin as soon as she saw my handwriting, but this was my last shot. My only shot so I had to do something.

I sat at my desk on one of my rare nights home. To be honest these nights where becoming less and less rare. I was off tour for the next six months and I didn't feel like partying much now that she wasn't around. Very very strange for me. Normally I didn't care who was there as long as it included a hot chick and some alcohol. Things had changed. Oh dear god. Maybe I'm growing up.

I ripped the piece of paper from the notepad, crushed it into a ball and threw it in the bin for about the 50th time that night. Nothing I wrote seemed right. If I was gonna win her back It had to be perfect. She was to wise to my tricks for a typical "love letter" to make a single piece of difference. God, I just had to fall for my best friend after she decided she hated me didn't I? That's anothing thing I can't do anything the easy way.

And so, the story begins.

Ping. I rubbed my eyes and checked my screen. Another message from Faye. I typed a reply not even sure what I was replying to. What? I was way to tired for all this okay? I'd just finnished my 6th show in as many days and she expected me to sit up all night and talk to her? Hell no. She ain't that special. I said a quck goodbye and headed to my bunk. Promising myself I'd text her tomorrow.

I didn't. Nor the next day, nor the next.

That's the thing about me. I kinda tend to get wrapped up in whatevers around me and forget about everything and everyone else. It never really occured to me that other people don't function that way.

Well not untill I showed up at her door 3 months later to be greated by Alex's foot connecting with my balls. She then told me that Faye was sick of feeling like she was just a way to pass the time. Sick of being ignored. And most importiantly, sick of me and my attitude towards her.

I argued that I hadn't ignored her, Claire countered with the 3 month silence. I couldn't think of an excuse and the door was slammed in my face. I haven't seen or heard from any of them since.

So, there I was still at that same desk 5 hours later with a blank page. Nothing was working. My sister had told me just to write from the heart I wasn't sure I even had one anymore.

"I can't do it Leslie." I sighed dropping the pen and running my hand through my shaggy blonde hair. Apparently it's my hottest look.

"How bad do you want this? How bad do you want her? Cause if this is just another case of only want what I can't have it's not worth the hassle. You've hurt the girl once. Do it again and I'll be the one kicking your balls. Kay?" I forgot to menton Leslie was also friend's with Faye.

"Help meee?!" I pouted. She rolled her eyes.

"Writing letters obviously isn't your strong point. Try a song." and with that, she took off.

A song? Oh, come on. Faye was way to smart (not to mention cynical) to fall for that old trick. Then again, I suppose it was worth a try. I grabbed my pen, my notebook, my acoustic guitar and headed out to the porch. For some reason I could always write better out there. It was something about the night air. The calmess of the usually insane LA. Alright so we lived in the middle of nowhere anyway, but there was just something...magical about the porch at night. Yes, I'm insaine. Plus Faye had always really liked it out here. She'd stand on the porch and either take picture, or just look out for hours. I always thought she was the one who was crazy, but looking at it that night I finally saw the beauty she always had. There was an amazing view of the skyline. It was a photographers dream. I was just to wrapped up in me to notice. That's when I realised if inspiration was ever gonna come, it would be here.

It took a few hours, but if finally happened. And before long I had a whole, what I hoped was pretty good. song.

Chapter two.

Faye opened her front door and strolled out to the mailbox wondering why in the hell she was bothereing. Since she'd moved in with her best friend a few months back there was never anything in there but bills anyway. Looked like today was gonna be the same.

"Anything for meeee?" Alex sang happily from the kitchen. Faye flipped through the letters giving a running commentary.

"Bills, bills, bills, more bills, b-ho shit!"

"Ew, who sent us that?"

"Very funny. It's a letter from Aaron."

"How the hell do you know that without opening that."

"I've only been in love with the guy for years, I tend to recogise his hand writing."

"Ah..fairdoos. So, open it."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't know."

"Good answer." Alex rolled her eyes. She was begining to get sick of her best friends daily "I'm over the prick rants" which were quickly followed by the "why doesn't he looovee meeee -sob, sob, weep, sniff, sob- rants" as she liked to call them.

"If you don't open it I will."

"Knock yourself out." She sighed holding the package in the air.

"Right lemme see. Ooh there's a cd. And a note. Shall I read it?" Faye nodded. "Okay. 'Hey baby girl'." She paused to pull a face.

"Just get on with it."

"Hey baby girl, I know you probably hate me right now. Probably psh.."

"ALEX!"

"Right. Sorry. 'Hey baby girl I know you probably hate me right now and you have every right too. But please listen to this cd and if you still don't wanna talk to me I'll give up. Just please. Gimme a chance. Love, Aaron.' Well letter writing ain't his strong point is it?"

"Nope."

"Will I play the cd?"

"Sure..."

Akex put the cd in the sound system and pushed play. Acoutic guitar began to strum out of the speakers.

"I lie awake, thinking of you
wondering why I do the things I do,
how can I let, your love escape,
now all I can do, is wait

I can't stop, your loves still there
the ghost of you, haunts my mind everywhere
I'll find a away, to make it right
and someday soon i'll get you back in my life
faces change, as time goes by
new days come, but i won't change my mind
how can i stop what i'm dreaming of
I'll wait, I'll wait forever for your love
lonely days, and sleepless nights
remembering what, your touch felt like
you'll be in my heart, for always
things I do, nothing's always the same

I can't stop, your love's still there,
the ghost of you haunts my mind everywhere
I'll find a way to make it right
and someday soon i'll get you back
every night
faces change, as time goes by
new days come, i won't change my mind
how can i stop what i'm dreaming of
I'll wait, i'll wait forever for your love
forever for your love"

"Wow."

"My thoughts exactly." Faye laughed quickly wiping her eyes.

"Oh no ya don't. Don't you dare cry. I'll kick you if you cry..."

All She Wrote